


my cursed school project

by amajiki_is_kirby



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: (as always), Alphonse Elric Is A Cinnamon Roll, Brief Riza Hawkeye Cameo, Crack, Edward Elric Being Insecure About His Height, Edward Elric Is A Little Shit, Gen, I did this for a school project, My teacher is going to read this, Peer Pressure, Riza Hawkeye is Done with his Shit, Roy Mustang Being a Little Bitch, She doesn't even talk, me trying to be funny, protect him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amajiki_is_kirby/pseuds/amajiki_is_kirby
Summary: So. This week for my health class, I had to write a skit of a character being offered some sort of drug or alcohol, and I saw an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. Enjoy this cursed and rather short school project. (Second chapter consists of a few discarded lines I didn't end up using.)
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric & Riza Hawkeye, Alphonse Elric & Roy Mustang
Kudos: 18





	1. The Cursed Project Itself

Mustang: Hey, Edward.  
Edward: What do you want old man?  
Mustang: I’m only thirty. Anyway, look at this.  
(Mustang pulls a bottle of alcohol out of absolutely nowhere and slides it across the table to Edward.)  
Edward: …  
Mustang: Sippy sip.  
Edward: First of all, why on Earth would you word it like that? Second of all, no.  
Mustang: Coward.  
Edward: I am not a coward, coward!  
Mustang: If you’re not a coward then drink it, coward.  
Edward: I’m fifteen.  
Mustang: And?  
(Edward raises an eyebrow. Alphonse steps onto the scene.)  
Alphonse: What’s going on here?  
Edward: Mustang is being a coward.  
Mustang: How am I the coward here?!  
Edward: You just are!  
Mustang: You’re the coward for not drinking the darned thing!  
Alphonse: Isn’t alcohol bad?  
Mustang: Not necessarily.  
Alphonse: I heard that since our brains aren’t developed when we’re teenagers it can mess up our heads though!  
Mustang: Oh whatever.  
Edward: You expect me to listen to some alcoholic old man?  
Mustang: Once again, I’m only thirty. And I’m not an alcoholic.  
Edward: Okay boomer.  
Mustang: Edward- sigh- just drink it.  
Edward: No.  
Mustang: You’re short.  
(Edward slams his hands on the table and stands up, glaring at Mustang.)  
Edward: Say it again.  
Mustang: You’re. Short.  
(Edward proceeds to start yelling absolute gibberish that sounds like a group of hundreds of extremely upset feral cats. This goes on for about thirty seconds. Riza enters the room. She lets out a single deep sigh, turns, and leaves. Edward sits back down in the chair.)  
Mustang: So will you drink it now?  
Edward: No.  
Mustang: Okay fine. Coward. I advise you to listen to the adults next time though.  
Edward: I will when they stop acting like children.  
Mustang: ...Understandable.  
(Mustang then leaves and the scene closes.)


	2. Discarded Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lines I decided not to include.

Edward: I'm fifteen.  
Mustang: Not anymore.  
(The part of my brain that writes shit that makes no sense decided to put this there and obviously I discarded it because- well- it didn't make sense.)

Alphonse: Isn't alcohol bad?  
Mustang: Alphonse, you'll understand how important it is when you're older.  
(Figured a reference to alcoholism may not be the best thing in this case, especially since Mustang isn't y'know, canonically alcoholic.)

Alphonse: I heard that since our brains aren't developed when we're teenagers it can mess up our heads though!  
Mustang: To be fair, Edward already behaves like he has brain damage.  
(I figured that this was probably too offensive.)


End file.
